Most people know orgasms through a narrow window: a short tension spike, a brief release, and a drop-off that ends the moment. But what if this widespread understanding is only the elementary school of orgasmic experience—useful, but far from the full landscape?

In this episode, Dr. Saida and Aaron share decades of lived practice, clinical experience, and research into what orgasm actually is—biologically, psychologically, emotionally, and energetically. Their approach isn’t theoretical. It comes from practicing, testing, observing patterns across thousands of client experiences, and refining what genuinely expands human pleasure.

“Most sex research is done by people who don’t actually have great sex themselves. If you don’t explore, you can’t teach what’s truly possible.”

Through this lens, orgasm becomes something far more interesting—and far more human—than most people have ever been taught to imagine.

1. The Problem With Most Definitions of Orgasm

The standard physiological description of orgasm—typically 8–12 involuntary pelvic floor contractions occurring less than a second apart—captures only a narrow slice of the experience.

This definition reflects:

• Localization: a small region of the pelvic floor
  
• Intensity spike: a peak followed by rapid overstimulation
  
• Short duration: seconds, not minutes
  
• Limited impact on emotional or energetic states
  

But many people do not fit this definition.

Dr. Saida began experiencing full-body, wave-like, emotional, and energetic orgasms at age 12—experiences that didn’t match what encyclopedias described. Because she didn’t see herself in the definition, she assumed she “wasn’t having orgasms.” This kind of misinformation can deeply distort sexual self-understanding.

And she isn’t alone.

What most people identify as the orgasm is only one orgasmic type, not the whole map.

2. The Orgasm Gap: A Cultural and Educational Issue

Research repeatedly shows a vast orgasm gap between heterosexual men and heterosexual women. Men orgasm reliably; many women do not.

Why?

Because:

• Porn-informed scripts prioritize friction, speed, and peak chasing.
  
• Sexual education focuses on reproduction, not pleasure.
  
• Women’s internal orgasmic pathways are rarely discussed or understood.
  
• Many people don’t understand relaxed arousal—the foundation for deeper states.
  

In same-sex couples, where bodies are understood from lived experience, the gap shrinks dramatically. This suggests the issue is not anatomy—it’s education.

3. Relaxed Arousal: The Missing Ingredient in Modern Pleasure

One of the most important distinctions introduced in this episode is relaxed arousal.

Peak-chasing creates tension → contraction → overstimulation → shutdown.

Relaxed arousal creates expansion → circulation → depth → emotional and physical nourishment.

Nicole Prause’s research echoes this: the most pleasurable part of orgasm often occurs before the peak, in the building waves of arousal.

Relaxed arousal allows:

• longer pleasure states
  
• more stable orgasms
  
• multiple orgasms without exhaustion
  
• emotional processing
  
• deeper intimacy
  
• less reliance on high stimulation or devices
  

When you stop rushing toward the peak, you unlock an entirely different category of pleasure.

4. Internal vs. External Orgasmic Pathways

Many people assume orgasms fall into rigid categories: clitoral, G-spot, vaginal, cervical.

But the body’s architecture is more interconnected and dynamic.

External (Clitoral) Orgasms

Typically:

• localized
  
• intense and sharp
  
• brief
  
• often require a pause afterward
  
• more prone to overstimulation
  
• easier to achieve but quicker to fade
  

Internal Orgasms

These tend to be:

• wave-like
  
• emotional
  
• grounding
  
• deeply expansive
  
• nourishing to the nervous system
  

Internal orgasms access deeper structures, including the pelvic nerve (linked with emotional processing, relaxation, and transcendence) and the pudendal nerve, which coordinates sensation and muscular contraction.

A blended orgasm—stimulating both nerve networks—can feel like a tsunami rather than a spark.

“Internal orgasms don’t peak and disappear. They roll through you. They change your state.”

5. Depth: The New Frontier of Orgasm

Aaron introduces the concept of orgasmic depth, describing orgasms that:

• build on each other
  
• don’t require recovery time
  
• grow richer with each wave
  
• shift your emotional and psychological state
  
• continue long after the sexual moment ends
  

Depth is the opposite of fragmentation.

Depth emerges through:

• relaxed arousal
  
• pacing
  
• breath variation
  
• attention to internal sensation
  
• allowing pauses
  
• staying inside pleasure without rushing the peak
  

Depth enables extended orgasms that feel:

• rhythmic
  
• layered
  
• immersive
  
• emotionally transformative
  

It is not about performance—it’s about sensitivity, presence, and internal listening.

6. Orgasms as States, Not Events

Most people view orgasm as a moment.

But Dr. Saida and Aaron describe orgasm as a state of being—a mode of consciousness that can persist long after the physical contractions stop.

Like chronic pain, orgasmic energy can exist as an underlying hum; our awareness simply shifts in and out of it.

When people learn to access this, extended orgasmic states often lead to:

• heightened creativity
  
• emotional clarity
  
• increased confidence
  
• a sense of openness and connection
  
• improved vitality
  

These experiences can be profoundly healing.

7. Nitric Oxide: The Biological Foundation of Pleasure

Pleasure isn’t only psychological—it’s biological.

Nitric oxide is one of the most important molecules the body makes. It supports:

• cellular repair
  
• vascular health
  
• immunity
  
• longevity
  
• hormonal balance
  
• sexual responsiveness
  

And nitric oxide is released in significant amounts only through pleasure, not stress or tension.

This means:

Pleasure is a health practice.
Orgasm is a biological ally.
Relaxed arousal is medicine.

Understanding this breaks the cultural narrative that pleasure is frivolous.

8. Why Many People Struggle to Feel Deep Pleasure

Common obstacles include:

1. Overuse of high-intensity vibrators

These can reduce nerve sensitivity, requiring more stimulation while numbing deeper pathways.

2. The “death grip”

A common masturbation pattern that decreases internal sensitivity.

3. Stress and depletion

These reduce the body’s ability to regulate arousal.

4. Porn-based scripts

Performance replaces feeling.
Speed replaces presence.
Peak replaces depth.

None of these reflect the body’s actual erotic potential.

9. Broadening What’s Possible

Extraordinary pleasure often doesn’t match what people learned in books or school. Many adults ignore or minimize their own peak experiences because they don’t fit the definition they were given.

Dr. Saida emphasizes:

• self-validation
  
• curiosity
  
• experimentation
  
• listening to your unique internal pathways
  

Your body is your primary teacher.

Key Takeaways

• The standard definition of orgasm captures only a fraction of what’s possible.
  
• Relaxed arousal unlocks deeper, more nourishing experiences.
  
• Internal orgasmic pathways offer emotional and energetic richness.
  
• Orgasmic depth allows repeated waves without overstimulation.
  
• Nitric oxide makes pleasure a biological necessity.
  
• Curiosity, self-validation, and exploration expand your potential.
  

To explore this topic in depth—including nuanced insights on orgasmic states, internal pathways, emotional pleasure, and expanded sexual well-being—listen to the episode:

Listen to the full episode here.